The Cycle

I never learn do i . . .

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Save me from my self...

In Memories of Twister. . .

You were such a small figure, such a tiny entity, and yet you were so many things to me.
Though i can't remember the day when u came into my arms,
I remembered the memories when we were together,
When you were my...

~Friend~
You were always there, always ready, to play around with me.
To cheer me up with your energetic behavior.
You never fail to remove the loneliness i often felt in my life.
Your dark brown eyes always seems so understanding,
You never refuse me your ear when i needed it,
Listening to all my troubles and comforting me with your warmth. . .
I shall always remember, how u wake me up by knocking on my door,
So you can come into my room, just to snuggle under my blanket.
I will remember the times, when i was studying for examination,
You were always there, beside me staying with me through the whole nite.
Your presence never fail to give strength to me to go through the piles of books.

~Guardian~
How you would bark at strangers,
The way you protect my stuffs when others try to take it,
How you attack those who hits me,
Having you by my side makes me feel safe, protected.
Though small in size, you were big in courage.
The brown coat that you have always give me comfort,
The times when you attacked me after i annoy you too much,
The way you playfully attack the blanket,
The way you lick my face to give me encouragement,
The soft yet rough feel of your paws on my face...

~Pillar~
You have been my support when i was about the crumble,
Somehow you manage to prevent me from breaking down,
Those dark brown eyes of yours always give a sense of love and understanding,
And yet you never have to say a word.
When i feel the world is against me,
You would come along and show me that i could face the world
I would always remember the times you were there for me when im down,
never questioning, always there to listen, always supportive
The times when you would be there to greet me home,
After i come back from a tiring day.
How you jump around in excitement at the sight of me,
When everyone else is too busy to greet me back...

~Secret Keeper~
How i would tell you my feelings when I'm down,
How you were patient with me on the matters that i do
The way you allow me to remove that many masks that i wear,
You never scrutinize, never criticize.
How you would take good care of your pups,
How you allow me to handle them.
How i could trust you on not stealing my food.
The way you bark and jump about to ask for food,
The small pink tongue of yours when your panting,
The way you squirm about when i bath you,
Causing me to be wet all over and thus having to bath myself after that...

~Love~
Always you show care and love to me,
You never get bored of me being the boring person i am,
Always beside me whenever i need you,
How you never hated me for the times i treat you badly,
Always forgiving in the things you do,
How you get jealous when i play with the others,
Ill remember the time when i just got you,
How you would chase your own tail about
Thus gaining your name,
Though your name was a miscommunication between me and my uncle,
Your name shall forever be engraved in my heart,
The warmth of your cheek when i kiss it,
The soft-cold feeling of your nose,
How your hair makes me itch
The tears in your eyes after seeing me when i come back after a long while. . .

Never will i be able to place all that we have been through into text,
A task impossible since there are no words that could describe the feelings that i have for you,
In this short life of yours with me, i wonder, how do you feel.
Were you contented? Happy with your life?
Were you sad, depress or angry,
I wish you could tell me.
I hope you feel the same as i felt for you,
The ups and downs that we been through together.
I never regretted a single moment i had with you,
No matter how bad the moment could be.
Yet after all this,
I wish you could forgive me.
After all that we have been through,
I couldn't be by your side during your final moments,
I couldn't comfort you through your pain as how you did for me,
I couldnt give you the warmth that you gave me during my ordeal,
You gave so much and taken so little in this small life of yours,
Yet at your final hours i couldnt be there for you,
The last image of you in my mind is the sight of you at the door,
watching me leave in the car to go to the bus stop,
Tell me, did you know that time could be the final time you could see me,
I remember the last words i told you before i left:-
Take care of the family and behave well when I'm gone.
And seeing you flick your sharp ears about as i whisper into yours . . .
Did it hurt? I hope you were able to pass on peacefully.
I hope that you were happy with your life.
I hope you enjoy the time with me and the family.
Are you in a better place now? How is it like?
...
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry for not taking care of you better,
Would you blame me?
I couldnt stop my flow of tears right now,
Would you be angry at me for being so weak?
I know i should be letting go, but please give me some time,
The loss of you has been a great blow to me,
I hope you will understand.

Again, I'm sorry for not being able to be by your side,
I hope that you will forgive me...

Twister, I love you and I always will. . .
..~Rest in Peace~..
8th September 2007

~Feelings~

Warm to the touch,
A sight for the sore,
Without doing much,
You warm me to the core.

To hold you to sleep,
To have your warmth on me,
Your gentle breath as you sleep,
Would be like a gentle lullaby to me.

How i wish for me to be with you,
How i yearn for your company,
But it could not be true,
Due to our current society. . .

~yen~

Yen~To be with you

-nil-

I'm doing the same thing again. . .
The thing that i hate myself for doing so . . .
Though i cant help myself, for its beyond my control. . .
Yet again i suffer, yet again i hide. . .
Feeling lost and confuse,
Feeling alone among friends,
Feelings that i hate,
but yet they come,
The burn in the heart when there is yearning,
The frost that develops when it is no obtained,
For i am a small human, one that has it's needs,
Barriers build by society, chained by rules,
Ever-present, Ever-there, Ever-dominating,
To hide in myself, to seek for a safe haven,
Though its safe, loneliness creeps in,

How i wish i could be a puppy,
Just to sleep in warmth,
Just to enjoy the comfort,
A worry not in mind,
See a puppy's face when its asleep,
How it shows, How it feels,
How i wish i am one. . .
~yen~

Code Name: Dream

Ahhh its raining again ^_^
this time im not under the rain hahahaha
so can enjoy . . . .

Anyhoo, today i went to the HERBALIFE bodymass check thingy
and well, im certified fat now XD
hahaha, previously thought that im 64 KG (own weigh)
the electronic weight they have said otherwise-66.7
thatz like almost a 3 kg different, i can blame the clothes and pants that im wearing,
but i will not ^^
Plus the body fat % was at 19 while the ideal one is around 10% for me
was adviced to shed those pounds away, then they came with the real motive:
Selling u da product, btw HERBALIFE is a MLM company so the ppl
gain more money for the product they sell ^^
Since my dad oso joined, guess i could get from him lah.
They looks dissapointed when i told em tat XD HAHA.

Anyway lets go to da title,
DREAM
ever had a dream so nice you just dont want to wake up from,
sigh, once in awhile i get em, though nice to dream about it,
i feel angry and moody after i wake up
since i knoe its a dream and have to face my harsh realities
The thing is those dreams are not those type of fantasy like ones,
its close to reality, as in normal just that things u wished happen in you
normal life happened. . . hen u wake up, feeling miserable,
and knowing that the odds of what happened in you dream to happen in real
life is too low. . . that was an understatement, very low.
The worst thing is when u relate the dream to your current state,
For example u dream u score full As in ur exam then u woke,
then when u check ur results. . . it wasn't really. . .
Guess u could apply it to the rest such as striking lottery, person you have a crush on,
getting a car etc. etc etc.
Its just that during the moment in that dream, everything is just so real
and you feel so happy. . . then u realize its just a dream,
its sorta like realities mean joke or sumtin on u.
One of Life's (that bitch) cruel tricks.
Maybe some of ya have a dream come true before,
for me. . . as far as i remember i don't think i had one . T_T
Sighh, feel like locking myself in those dreams forever,
ahh well, Life's a bitch anyway, shes mean !
(meaner then Storm,MUCH MUCH MUCH MEANER !!!!)
though she has her kind periods. . . (Rarely)

Guess i should just stop dreaming and live with reality . . .
so i should just take control of what i can :
Health and Studies, Friends and Family.

Oh yea, must loose the fats thus:
Operation Weight Lost Through Doing Stupid Stuff
*~OWLTDSS~*
BEGINS !

works for me before, should work for me again ^^

Yen~Dreamz. . . .

Issue: Umbrella. . . .

First of all, pls no one start on the umbrella song >_>
Okay, so i woke this morning, around 9 45
(actually woke at around 7.30, urgh, i dunno why i wake be4 alarms this days)
so it was raining, thus unable to go to lab at 10 due to rain
(I don't own an Umbrella)
thus weeee get to go lab later lalalala,
*snuggles in bed*
then rain stoped around 1015
Time to go lab .
(Fast Forward >>)
okay so time for lunch,
was suppose to go meet Syen for collecting my A4 papers,
but instead i had to attend a meeting with my mentor,
so asked her to take for me instead (Big ERROR)
So i qued for the horridly long que in the science canteen (Yong Tau Foo)
then when was eating halfway nicely, *BROOOMM*
Thunder and rain = Storm?
This Rain
Not This One
Zzzzzzzzz
Sensing the rain oso means sensing the storm,
Not this Storm
But a scarier one:
*play thunder sound*
Scary rite T_T
for those who dunno
Syen=Storm

GAaaa aparently because of purchasing the A4 paper for me
(She was kind enuff to buy me two stacks)
And due to the Rain, she was stucked at the Lib wet and drench,
**IM DRENCHED TO ON MY WAY BACK TO THE LAB**
Then thus due to that T_T
My pocket hurting d . . .
Im gonna owe here B&J for that.
So lets culculate here
Buying A4 paper from shop ~ 5.50
asking her to buy =4.50
B&J as transportation fee~5? ( not sure )
swt total T_T =

Mostly due to Umbrella T_T
I bet she din have an ella with her at that time . . .

Yen~ Shiverz

PS: dont kill me syen T_T

	Alone~English Translation
	A dry breeze is blowing The city is getting cold I wonder how many seasons have passed without even a sound?
	All of the people coming and going bear heavy burdens, searching for tomorrow within the heat haze wavering in the distance.
	Feelings like sand falling through my hands... Back then, the words that pierced my heart suddenly started to throb with pain, but...
	I've searched for pieces of myself, counting the endless nights all the while. These feelings are becoming so certain I almost lose myself. Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.
	I wonder, why is the sky so vast? Even though I tried to yell, my voice didn't come and the tears poured out.
	I wonder where the birds are flying off to, as they freely slice through the wind? One can't return to the same place as it once was in days gone by.
	Even if I give up my dream like this, I won't suppress my soaring heartbeat. Someday, I want to reach as high as the clouds. [1] I'll spread wide the wings in my heart and journey once again
	I will reach it, without fail.
	I've searched for pieces of myself, counting the endless nights all the while. These feelings are becoming so certain I almost lose myself. Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.

Sudden freedom? ? ?

Lab was suddenly canceled today.
soo... here i am . . .
free. . .
Ever got the moment that some certain appointment got canceled
suddenly, normally at the last minute, then you realise.
What am i going to do now with this time. . .
its some thing like:

Too bz to think of what to enjoy by urself,
and when your free, you dunno what to do to enjoy the time. . .
annoying feeling.
anyhoo recovered from safe mode d.
thnx guy for bearing with me.
Noww. . . i need groceries, im almost run out of essentials
shampoo, instant noodles, bread, detergent.
Gahhh
anyhoo, its already the second week of class,
somehow i feeling like im either too bz or too free
when im too free i have nothing better to do
(dont call me to study cuz i wont if i dont feel like it)
anime is the best alternative i guess, meh
The class i DREAD the most is Bioinformatics.
I HATE IT HATE HATE HATE HATE !!!
1: Its god damm boring
2: the way the lecturer teach makes it boringer
3:the stupid practical is damm annoying and boring !!!!!
there!!!
it irritates me as much as watching a video of elmo and barney dancing with each other
feel like taking a shotgun and blasting them up to little bits
MAUAHAHHAHAHA

Yen-Blastz

Mode: Safe Mode

Guys im sure u have noticed my low energy mode since
i came back from the camp.
so i might not be the Yen you knoe when im around you.
Chains of events have leaved me both physically and mentally drained.
So ill say sorry first, just in case my negative energies are effecting the rest of you.

Things to do things to think things to decide. . .

I need a moment of peace. . .

Just back from SPS camp.
Finally met the new freshies of SPS and guess what
I AM SURPRISED !!!
The freshies this year at SPS much different from the previous batch.
its as if they dont belong there at all
(not considering how many of em will drop out)
theres like this group of freshies who dont look like the study type.
you would have seen them, cause there are like
5 of em who were in the SCIENCE Rag Dance !!!!
hahaha WHICH also leads to there being shuai guys and pretty gals in SPS
and they much ON lah . would be very intresting to listen to their views and perspective.
mite wana drop by the IS(interactive sessions) once in awhile just to listen to them
shooting each other .

guess if anyone is still reading my blog
they mite wonder why the sudden return of me
well the reason is
STRESS

i need sumwhere to channel it after all
sum that knoe me would ask:
Dont u DotA to release stress
Good question!
its just that i have not been receiving dota invite for around a week d
and the Stress Lvl NEEDS management or else
me and the people around me shall suffer.

Sigh.. dead tired now but have Cluster Leader training
*Prays i dont fall asleep halfway through*

NEY-Sleepzzzzzzz

Let me start this blog with an

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

My stupid stuffs in my stupid bag damaged my laptop skin !!!
JEEZ !!!
not theres this ugly peel there
DAmmit !!!
I BLAME THE STUPID RAIN
if not becuz of the rain i wouldnt have place my lappy in my bag T_T
Maria's new dress now damaged.... sighhh
urgh. . .
i can already feel james going to tell me:-
I told you to get the laptop sleeve

sniff sniff. . .
ahh well, at least the skin protected my lappy from damage. . .
tomolo going to have to go to SPS camp d
seriously wonder what kinda people will be there
its Special Program for Science Camp after all. . .
*prays it not NERD inc.*
last years bath there was this NERD that brought a Chem book
to the chem. Its not the thin one, its those that are 4-5cm thick.
damm siao lah .
Hopefully itll be fun.
but the games should be ^^
might also consider using sum of the games for MSL day too
if there is time i guess. . .
anyway i better bath and get changed. just back from class.
Yen~ SPLASHEZ

Mentally Drained

Guyz im facing a little bit of problem...
the video turned out to be 4 GB in size. . .
WTF !!
yea i knoe i knoe . . .
anyone knoe how to kecik it so i can upload up onto you tube ?
T_T

my first week of skool is really tiring,
ive been almost running about from either 9 - 6 or 8-6
not counting meetings after 6 lah
yesterday(time), was very down when my experiment failed.
we had so much hope that it would finally succeed. . .
not only that, we were suppose to give a brief presentation today
and our slides arent ready and so is my brain.

i really wana rest... truly rest...
when would that ever come i wonder.
for now
Coffee would be my best friend
im certainly going to be coffee addict soon
if i continue being like this.
Tralalalalala
soo... tired..
better read up on one more journal paper
before i go sleep.
Yen~ OUTZ

Dead Blog

Dead Blog
.....

IT ISNT !!!
Its just that conveniently im just too busy to update it. Labs UFO etc
haha
today had a hella a time with da freshies
dey damm great bunch ni XD
i would say that i would upload pictures and all that
onto this blog, but preferably
how bout a video instead ^^
thats right u read correctly
I Wang Jun Yen
(btw James, this is how u spell my name ni)
Promise that i will upload a video of the recent events onto this blog XD
gimme... 1 week like that can ?
lets see
its a good bargain ma
if a picture is worth a thousand words
then imagine a video containing ALOT of pictures
with comments to boot !!!

Fluffy Logic Portal
THE REOPENING OF THE DEAD PORTAL
Coming Soon To
wjyen.blogspot.com

Written By : Wang Jun Yen
Directed by: Wang Jun Yen
Dedicated to: ALL OF MY MSL FRIENDS !!!
I love you guys/gals
( just incase got ppl think im sexist)


( i think by now James can remember my name d and spell it oso hor ?)

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. Yen
2. Chubby (=.=) die !!!!!
3. Ducky (lets not go there)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. my eyes
2. my skin XD
3. my brain ? is that physical?

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

1. Hokkien...
2.Chinese
3. Malaysian , is tat heritage?

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T STAND:

1. People who whines alot (think overly pampered kids)
2. Durian =.=
3. not being able to play dota T_T

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. Losing my laptop =.=
2. Losing friends and family
3. Ending up alone

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS:

1. Heroes
2. The Simpsons
3. Friends

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE JAPANESE ANIMES:

1. Bleach
2. One piece
3. Shounen Onmyouji

THREE OF YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONGS:

1. Alones- Aqua Timez
2. I'm Yours- Jason Mraz
3. KanKan- Vanessa Mae XD

THREE MOVIES YOU CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN:

1. Pirates of the carribean (trilogy)
2. Shrek trilogy
3. V for Vendetta

THREE MOVIES YOU WOULD LIKE TO WATCH:

1. Transformers !!!
2. Taiyou no Uta (A Song to the Sun)...
3. Fantastic 4, silver surfer

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. The internet
2. The DotA (sumtimes dont get to play though)
3. FOOD !!!

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. Pink giordano polo T
2. Dark blue shorts
3. My glasses

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

1. Humour XD
2. Excitement
3. LOVE !!!!

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE GENDER THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

1. Smooth skin
2. Nice eyes
3. nice hands???

THREE BAD HABITS:

1. shaking leg (dont hit me T_T)
2. yawning and forgeting to close mouth
3. overeat?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. WAtching anime
2. Gaming
3. PETS !!!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. Stop coughing =.=
2. DOTA
3. Murder dell for delaying my laptop

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING OR CURRENTLY PURSUING:

1. Research Scienctist
2. Entrepreneur in new businesses
3. Mad scientist bent on world conquest

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1. JAPAN !!!!!
2. NEW ZEALAND !!
3. DISNEYLAND !!! or UNIVERSAL STUDIOS !!

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:

1. harr??? arent kid names still names ==
2. wat utter nonsense
3. all names are nice since their lovingly bestowed by the parents

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1. Freefall !!!
2. Own a siberian husky XD
3. Get my name down in the history books

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GUY (or girl):

1. Goes nuts over electronical gadgets XD
2. LOVE DOTA !!!
3. bathing takes less then 15 minutes

INITIALS OF THREE CRUSHES:

1. #_#
2. @_@
3. O_o

THREE PEOPLE YOU TAG TO DO THE SURVEY:

1. Ryan
2. Ryan
3. Ryan

=.= NOW DO THIS THREE TIMES AGAIN !!!

Unforeseen Circumstances (correct spelling?)

ahem ahem, due to unforeseen circumstances, this blog will be "close" till further notice
i am terribly sorry for the inconvenience caused.

Solitude

Its been raining almost everyday, not them i am complaining about the rain, it keeps my room cool and comfortable. The thing that am depressed of is the solitude that the examination studying period is giving me. Most days i go through the entire day without any of my friends insight, its not that i'm avoiding them, just that they prefer to study by themselves and group studies to them is unproductive. Sigh.. unproductive as it maybe at least they fill my day with smiles and laughter. Now the sight that i see is just the rain falling outside of my window while i sadly scribble notes from the lecture slides in preparation for the exam. Might be going insane soon. Some might argue that there is MSN and we can chat that way, but MSN is nothing compared to face to face communications.

Worst yet, i am beginning to feel distant from my friends, their becoming more and more stranger like to me. But what am i to do, but just let the wave of life move along. I grew weary of this, i pray by the end of the examination, they would still be the same as they were last sem, or maybe i should pray that i'll be the same as i was, i change alot in solitude, and there's always a chance that it will effect the relationship around me.

The sound of the rain,
Accompany my pain,
Drown away my sorrow,
Show me light tomorrow.

O_O

http://www.myheritage.com

Okay, remember that time that i luff at lin cuz his face matched 3 girls and oni one guy >_>
aparently his not the only one T_T

The Ivory Throne Of Mine

I sit on my throne of ivory and ponder,
What would happen today I wonder,
While I wonder in this mind,
I cleanse this body of mine.

In this chamber where I am king,
None dare to bother even when I sing,
Some scrolls I did unroll,
while I wonder why is the world so cold.

Reside in here I can no longer,
No more time left for me to ponder,
There is much work to conquer,
With haste I left. . . and forgot the water.

( XP )

New song, this song seriously touches me, makes me think back on all the frens that i had and drifted apart due to distance and different study streams, sigh, misses the good old days, listen to it, then tell me what emotion did the song induce it ya, to me was sadness and all the more reason to cherish my friends

A good song will induce alot of emotions in you, where you can feel the type of emotion the song is trying to portray, this song reached me, im SURE you have heard of it before, but listen to it again, it some sort revitalize my torn being abit. Enjoyz. Press Play. heee

"I that you could be whatever you wanted to be,If you could realise all the dream you have inside."