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I am Hooooooommmeeeeeeeeeee
Soree bout the late blog update, i was too lazy to blog after exams, wanted to enjoy the time to the max u knoe XD. home i am then from SG to PG on bus. Came home together with Kai Lin. Stupid bus dunno why took such a long time to reach back. 9 !!! 9 !!! thatz two hours late. sigh. anyway home d. need to enjoy. though my hope of going down to kl for christmas vanished when i reached home and asked. apparently i got some important events on 23 and 24. sigh soree Kai Lin, mite not be able to follow u down to KL d. anyway, ITS PENANG !!! i cant wait to go queensbay to shop !! though my aunt wanted to bring me there but i was just too damm lazy and tired and wanted my bed.
today after i reach back, i EAT !!! YESH !!! then i EAT sumore then i sleep then EAT ! then meditate then eat.... crap, if this goes on i definately gonna end up fat. tatz all for now, mc d getting cold >.< ahahahah

Drift

Drift, drift, drift....
not the Tokyo Drift kinda drift though, the drift in relations. Just finish stats(i hope) so wana crap here awhile before i oinks. Drift, sumhow i just feel im drifting away from ppl around me. it just feels different now. everything is different. maybe im changing, maybe its just me. i duno. but all i knoe is i dun like the feeling. feeling lonely yet again. i guess it happens, seems its so near exam and all. but, why doesnt it feel the same anymore, how can a few days change so much. did i did something wrong? i mistake i never realise. i just want things as before. where i felt like i belong. maybe that was just my illusion that i feel like i belong, longing to have a place to belong cause my mind to create an illusion i did. then again my mind wasnt alright from the start. i guess im thinking too much. happens, happens before itll happen again .

still, i wish it is real, a place to belong,

Burden

Fluffy logic posts gotta hold for awhile, ohwell those post are about wat's going on deep in my mind anyway and i doubt anyone reads this blog so ill just put in on hold for awhile

Test are looming near and im still not ready yet, there is still a report, presentation and CA test to do. Sighh and i just finish a report and a term paper only, dead tired. and as usual, socialmeter is still low. i guess everyone is just too busy this days. well some have other problems that adds to their burden, be it relationship or sumtin else. everyone has their burdens to carry. it gets tired doesnt it? i still seek to find the place where even just for awhile, i can remove this burden and the masks that i wear, it gets heavy u knoe.
Another crappy thing is im addicted to Shaman King, at this time near exam, not good, totally not good. for sum reason i feel the world is quite empty this days, plain. where have all the colours gone. guess its been suck into the oblivion known as examination.
It feels as if things are drifting away, change is occuring again. i duno wether is for the best or worst, that only time could tell.
hey, what happend to that smile of urs, the one the lights up my day, won't you share ur problems with me and lets step forward together

Gift

I shall unfluffyfy this post to show my appreciation.

since im so mutated and moved to knoe how to write this post, i shall take my time till i got the rhythm to do so. I still cant find the words to put my feeling as. perhaps i shall create a new word? ah well. ill edit this soon enuff. In the mean time.

Thanks John

Edited Section, ehehe soree late.
Well i really wanna show my gratitude to John Chan for Hitsugaya, really loved it, sum of ya might have seen the pic of it in my msn, if u didnt, just look out for it ^^ it might pop up again since i like it soo much XD

The late edit was due to being swarmed with reports and term paper, seriously, why does NUS have so much workload to do near examination time. Lack of sleep this days and socialometer is low. Oh well, thatz wat u get when most of the time u spend is to type type type. Ahhh to push Diena's buttons..... her memory getting full though, poor girl, i promise ill find time to lighten ur burden.

Sin

The world is filled with sin, sin from actions and thoughts, sin from feelings. I never thought that it having feelings would be a sin. an uncontrolled feeling will be a sin. For an uncontrolled feeling could cause pain to self and people around. then again, it isnt easy to control your own feeling. this i knoe. When its wrong to be happy, when its wrong to be sad, when its wrong to love or hate. Sin then i have, and yet i cannot help it. Im too weak, too weak to control my feelings. Much pain i have caused. But yet, is it my fault? im only human, the life ive went through moulded me this way. Then it wouldnt be my fault alone wouldnt it? yet i shouldnt blame others, for im myself. The masks gets too heavy sometimes, it gets tiring. i want a place, a place where i could remove this masks away, a place where im me. my paradise

Resolution

The past night shows signs of frost shattering, shouldnt have think so much. But then again, it has made me resolve, decided i have what to do. Maybe sealing it is a wrong move, as the past two mistakes have shown. Perhaps it would be different. Perhaps unsealing it would make it thaw. Though it will change, change the life which im floating in now. Perhaps i shall embrace this change, as the current life is painful to me as it is. perhaps it would be better. for i do not wish to have the same ending as the previous mistakes. Though time is not right. maybe im just saying an excuse for dragging it longer. There are other more importants papers to go over, perhaps after this paper. I hope this will not be a resolve that i shall regret.

A broken slumber

I wake in the dawn to showers of light,
Moments of emptiness surrounds,
Floating away...with auras of hope,
But reality bring me to the ground !
(taken form Indecisive-Empty Decorations)

Thus, the short phrase depicts what i feel when the slumber's broken. Went through Diena after that and accidentally click on a wrong file. one that contained my memories of the past year, one that was made by J-ann, I cant thank her enough really, one of the best gift i received. as i read through each slides, memories kept flowing back, i miss those times, i really do, how cruel of life to remove the times from me. The memories fed the Void for now. yet the frost's destruction might be inevitable. the unfolding of time is similar to the First,and some part of the Second. Maybe it wont be as bad as the first, the body tends to get use to it . . . i hope. Another change is occuring, its inevitable. as it happens, so i might be affected too. Though i fear cuz i do not know in what way i shall change. an empty husk? a berserked creature? i wont knoe... What shall time bring to me this time, wont it let me have a slumber, a slumber of a puppy . . .

Frost of Void

The frost within is a ticking bomb, unstable in its current condition, dangerous in its current condition. Begging the skies above, seal the frost away. seal it far away. hide it from the eyes, for they do not see what it is, for they could not comprehend. the chains they set still binds me. i foresee the frost shall shatter one day, as it has before. so seal it away, at least far enough where the shards wont reach others. Though the frost is born from the chain that binds, though those eyes that bind could not comprehend, shield the shards from them. for its not their fault. , eyes that judge. eyes who arent bound by this chains. I seek for the acceptance of this eyes, yet the chains they set prevents me from doing so. thus the frost shall be borned. It will be so till a touch that can thaw it comes by. . .

angel of frost, angel of fire,
seal the frost & qwell my desire,
seal it away from the eyes of man,
let it be forgotten beneath the shifting sands.

The creature within

The void stirs again, and the chaos of the abyss is released again. the monster awakens, supress it i tried, fed it with false hope and ignorance. But now as reality revealed itself, i might not be able to hold it any longer. but to release it might cause it to destroy the one i seek to protect. To seek for help i should, but i cant, not with the chains of the world binding my body. I want to break the chains, i want to be loose, but yet i fear that this chains are the ones that are holding my life together. then breaking the chains might also shatter the life that i have known. . . Though the chain sometimes does feel comfortable... but the solitude gets too much to bear. So i wish, wishing that an angel would lift me from this binds of mine and let me soar. . . though thats wishing for too much, but at least it gives me hope, just enough to take another step through this life of mine.

Again, i found a light, i like it, though i know its not mine and might nvr be mine, but i still hope its mine. The small glimmer of hope, i hang onto it. Though again and again as reality shatters it and the shards hurting me, i just feel that though it's not mine, being close to it is enough. but i know that is just a lie. a lie i place just to bask in the light that comes from the valueless. I knoe this cause the monster inside seek to lash out and grab it for myself, though doing so might destroy the light ... therefore i let time, yes time, she who changes everything to do her bidding. Should i decide ? decide on chasing the light, or see where it wanders. I fear, fear what would happen when realities hammer completely shatters the hope that i hang on to. Would the rays from the light still be as comforting as it is? or would it pierce and hurt me more. . .

Yet, will i then still like the light, would i still seek to protect it, or would that cause me seek to destroy it. I guess i should swear now... this moment. With time as my witness, I shall protect the light, and if the monster does lash out, i shall hide in the shadows, hiding it away from the light. . . this is for although the light might be painful to me, its still warm to others, thus it must be protected. though this mite just be myself trying to keep the light to me as close as possible, but at this moment, i just want to protect the light. . . though it might be my third mistake. . . but then again, i never do learn from my mistake.

As the frozen one shatters,
Orbs shall rain,
The abyss then rages,
reacting back to the pain.

One that has shttered can freeze again,
For there is rain there is water,
there would be regeneration for the pain
then another step is taken into the future....

Then Non-Fluffy Logic Post

Well then, this shall be the start of where i state my whines and joys and ect like every other bloggers do. But i guess the difference would be that since i dont like to express myself alot, ill then express myself through my Fluffy Logic. Gonna take awhile to understand it if anyone bothers. There would be other Non-Fluffy Logic posts besides this but post such as this will normally be explanations and nothing about myself. Well, basic way to read my blog is dont think bout reality so much and well, get to know be better i guess. The more you know me the easier to read. That is if you even want to read . . .