The Cycle

I never learn do i . . .

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Save me from my self...

In Memories of Twister. . .

You were such a small figure, such a tiny entity, and yet you were so many things to me.
Though i can't remember the day when u came into my arms,
I remembered the memories when we were together,
When you were my...

~Friend~
You were always there, always ready, to play around with me.
To cheer me up with your energetic behavior.
You never fail to remove the loneliness i often felt in my life.
Your dark brown eyes always seems so understanding,
You never refuse me your ear when i needed it,
Listening to all my troubles and comforting me with your warmth. . .
I shall always remember, how u wake me up by knocking on my door,
So you can come into my room, just to snuggle under my blanket.
I will remember the times, when i was studying for examination,
You were always there, beside me staying with me through the whole nite.
Your presence never fail to give strength to me to go through the piles of books.

~Guardian~
How you would bark at strangers,
The way you protect my stuffs when others try to take it,
How you attack those who hits me,
Having you by my side makes me feel safe, protected.
Though small in size, you were big in courage.
The brown coat that you have always give me comfort,
The times when you attacked me after i annoy you too much,
The way you playfully attack the blanket,
The way you lick my face to give me encouragement,
The soft yet rough feel of your paws on my face...

~Pillar~
You have been my support when i was about the crumble,
Somehow you manage to prevent me from breaking down,
Those dark brown eyes of yours always give a sense of love and understanding,
And yet you never have to say a word.
When i feel the world is against me,
You would come along and show me that i could face the world
I would always remember the times you were there for me when im down,
never questioning, always there to listen, always supportive
The times when you would be there to greet me home,
After i come back from a tiring day.
How you jump around in excitement at the sight of me,
When everyone else is too busy to greet me back...

~Secret Keeper~
How i would tell you my feelings when I'm down,
How you were patient with me on the matters that i do
The way you allow me to remove that many masks that i wear,
You never scrutinize, never criticize.
How you would take good care of your pups,
How you allow me to handle them.
How i could trust you on not stealing my food.
The way you bark and jump about to ask for food,
The small pink tongue of yours when your panting,
The way you squirm about when i bath you,
Causing me to be wet all over and thus having to bath myself after that...

~Love~
Always you show care and love to me,
You never get bored of me being the boring person i am,
Always beside me whenever i need you,
How you never hated me for the times i treat you badly,
Always forgiving in the things you do,
How you get jealous when i play with the others,
Ill remember the time when i just got you,
How you would chase your own tail about
Thus gaining your name,
Though your name was a miscommunication between me and my uncle,
Your name shall forever be engraved in my heart,
The warmth of your cheek when i kiss it,
The soft-cold feeling of your nose,
How your hair makes me itch
The tears in your eyes after seeing me when i come back after a long while. . .

Never will i be able to place all that we have been through into text,
A task impossible since there are no words that could describe the feelings that i have for you,
In this short life of yours with me, i wonder, how do you feel.
Were you contented? Happy with your life?
Were you sad, depress or angry,
I wish you could tell me.
I hope you feel the same as i felt for you,
The ups and downs that we been through together.
I never regretted a single moment i had with you,
No matter how bad the moment could be.
Yet after all this,
I wish you could forgive me.
After all that we have been through,
I couldn't be by your side during your final moments,
I couldn't comfort you through your pain as how you did for me,
I couldnt give you the warmth that you gave me during my ordeal,
You gave so much and taken so little in this small life of yours,
Yet at your final hours i couldnt be there for you,
The last image of you in my mind is the sight of you at the door,
watching me leave in the car to go to the bus stop,
Tell me, did you know that time could be the final time you could see me,
I remember the last words i told you before i left:-
Take care of the family and behave well when I'm gone.
And seeing you flick your sharp ears about as i whisper into yours . . .
Did it hurt? I hope you were able to pass on peacefully.
I hope that you were happy with your life.
I hope you enjoy the time with me and the family.
Are you in a better place now? How is it like?
...
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry for not taking care of you better,
Would you blame me?
I couldnt stop my flow of tears right now,
Would you be angry at me for being so weak?
I know i should be letting go, but please give me some time,
The loss of you has been a great blow to me,
I hope you will understand.

Again, I'm sorry for not being able to be by your side,
I hope that you will forgive me...

Twister, I love you and I always will. . .
..~Rest in Peace~..
8th September 2007

~Feelings~

Warm to the touch,
A sight for the sore,
Without doing much,
You warm me to the core.

To hold you to sleep,
To have your warmth on me,
Your gentle breath as you sleep,
Would be like a gentle lullaby to me.

How i wish for me to be with you,
How i yearn for your company,
But it could not be true,
Due to our current society. . .

~yen~

Yen~To be with you

-nil-

I'm doing the same thing again. . .
The thing that i hate myself for doing so . . .
Though i cant help myself, for its beyond my control. . .
Yet again i suffer, yet again i hide. . .
Feeling lost and confuse,
Feeling alone among friends,
Feelings that i hate,
but yet they come,
The burn in the heart when there is yearning,
The frost that develops when it is no obtained,
For i am a small human, one that has it's needs,
Barriers build by society, chained by rules,
Ever-present, Ever-there, Ever-dominating,
To hide in myself, to seek for a safe haven,
Though its safe, loneliness creeps in,

How i wish i could be a puppy,
Just to sleep in warmth,
Just to enjoy the comfort,
A worry not in mind,
See a puppy's face when its asleep,
How it shows, How it feels,
How i wish i am one. . .
~yen~